This is funny. So as I've reconnected to so many of my fantastic friends from College, the tried and true New Yorkers here, it's really lucky, because I never would have remembered an ounce of my transplant. The reason I do remember is because my friend Darcy TOOK NOTES!!! It's something she was always so good at!! And she did it, for me! Did she know I'd never remember this on my own? Well I thank her because honestly I remember so little. I remember people saying to me before hand, " Oh you won't remember anything. This will all be a blip on the screen". Part of me likes that idea, but part of me abhors it!" All this work and a blip???!
I could feel (as the more pain killer I used), the more my own private little experience transplant was going to become. But I wanted to continue sharing it too. No doubt it helps me. Anyway, on this day of Sept 29 there was a lot of talk about the auspiciousness of the date of the transplant, 9/21/12. Just think how many potential dates there were and the one I ended up with. Shabbat/Tshuva. It's the same date that Isaac's BarMitzvah will be next year. It's between two jewish holidays. I know I've written about this before but I loved the way Darcy put it in her notes. It's not just a day of repentance, but one of new beginnings, opportunity and reconciliation. How gorgeous is that?
It helps me to answer the confusing and painful question I've been holding close for the last year: "Why, three years ago, when I was trying to make the excruciating decision whether to do the chemo or do the transplant, was my intuition telling me to: "Do The Chemo, it will save your life" and then I relapsed a year later..? I'm such a strong believer in intuition. I believe that's where God sits, I believe it's a beautiful place you can always go to listen. I believe Intuiution is always you're best bet...And in this case, it wasnt even just intuition. This was many moments so of meditation, this was the agonizing involvement of my dearest friends and husband who cried with me everyday, read the pertinient papers and tried to explain them, stayed up late at night on the phone and made sure I was never ever alone in this, not one minute. And the answer came to me today. "These were the right cells". Is that crazy? I don't know. But I engrafted so quickly; like I got surrounded in a spinning love. It was so quick that the doctors at MSK needed to pull back on the medicine that helps engraftement.
I take nothing for granted. I just am wondering. I'm getting to see a little bit of the truth of the "When" of my transplant. Something I've been wondering about for so long...
Count Up Calendar: Go With The Flow
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