Healing and Recovery

It's 2:00 in the morning here in NY. I can't sleep for nothing and I am sooooo starving all the time!!!
Friends have started bringing me food I keep in the fridge and I'm now the Queen of the 1:00am snack!

The word on the ward here is that they are trying to discharge me either friday or saturday! THIS friday or Saturday.  They are working hard to get me on medicine by mouth only and are tweeking all the important dosages. The thought of it is what is keeping me sane. It's this IV pole that follows me around everywhere, although of course friend, can feel a bit as though it's over stayed it's welcome. I yearn for freedom. I yearn to see who and how I am with my new cells, walking in the woods, feeling sunshine, reading a book outside. 
I've been thinking about my lovely donor today all day. I hope she had a great day.  Her cells inside me feel so correct. And in my mind they've been shape shifting away.  For the past week there's been this monolith feeling in me. Like a universal, untouchable paragon of strength. Today this image shifted into a really large crystal. Natural, clear, and unearthed to do powerful work.  And sometimes what's in me feels like these adorable baby cells, crying, laughing, eating their toes. This is when I really feel like I have to take care of myself. Big time. I'm like a baby.  I still think out of a hospital is better than in a hospital for a baby.  Way fewer grems. But, like most grown ups, I don't tend to baby myself.  This will be a really interesting path. Healing & Recovery. And all without guilt. I think that's the part I'm up against that's hardest.  I think the only good path for me will be through love. Friends and family reminding me to slow down, that it's good to sleep in the day, this is my job... Love is so much more effective than anything punitive, isn't it?  Even on old mommies whose immune systems have been reborn...