The Lost Days of the ICU

It"ll be interesting to write this hearsay. I remember sooooo little. I rememeber some serious muscle pain and pushing the pain pump a lot. I remember that what seemed so real after I started hallucinatiting apparaently was not. I remember a nurse being mean when I kept taking off my oxygen thing and my telling her that the nostrels part hurt me and that she could be a lot nicer.   And then I think it got low and dirty, to the point where I apparently shook her by the collar.  Nut's. And then things got weirder and I thought she was living in the hospital with her mother and she said she was part of a food contest,  that had something to do with rainbow fish and doctors as judges and that I had ruined her chances for winning. And then I screamed at her about how ridicuous it was to involve cancer patients in food contests...! 

I think the next thing I knew, I was in the ICU having hit the pain pump one time too many. Apparently I was suffering with some breathing issues, pain issues, liver issues and heart regulation issues.  It all happened fast and I think I thoroughly freaked out my friends and family.  But, vless them all, despite their being freaked out, I remember it was an inccessant party in the ICU. I think people know I like it that way.  "Ok! Strapped down to 12 medications nd a bed? Let's laugh a whole lot and have a party!!!"  I realised in the ICU how laughing is so important to me;  how important it is that my friends and family get my silly, and occassionally quite witty jokes...
Back to hallucinations.   Mine seem so darn real!!!  Duh... don't they all?  Mine started out on the dramatic side. Important mythical figures.   Visits fromK ing Kong, Ghandhi, MY grandfther, my father and and large spirit dog. . And appearance from my doctors's brother in Australia who, in my world, does amazing native aboriginol healing dances.  Sounds all very Jungian no? 

And then they got really commonplace and acceptable: tiny bugs that just hung around, lots of puppies and kittens. Tiny new born things. And this was while my body was crazily sucking in beautiful new stem cells.  It was like this never ending milkshake. And as well, there was the black button at the front of the room that  fogged the glass when you pushed it.   And that is when the little boys would come out, all Ari's age, those skinny six yr old arms. They'd take these long lingering Pina Bausch steps cross the room, stop and pose, and then contunue on. To me, they felt normal hanging around. Alll the visitors, real and temporary made the room really crowded. And it was exactly what I think my brain knew I needed to get through the transplant days.