Plans Are Good

Plans Are Good. But they don't always happen. It's no big deal. And as I've said before, plans that don't happen are a hell of a lot better than no plans at all. Planning is human. Planning is alive. I don't care how Buddhist you are. Plans are fun, and the idea of future, although it's an illusion, is part of what makes us human. 

Small example: the meal gifts my friends in London have been giving my family ever since I relapsed. Because they're human, my friends want to help. So they planned a calendar that quickly got filled up with loving meals we got to eat on days when stress and exhaustion made cooking seem like an impossibility.  Plus, they got to help! Which is what we do! When someone is down, we want to help. And I love that about humans! And you can't do that without planning!  Planning is useful, appreciated, fun, and wise.  So, as much as I believe that, of course, life is what's lived while in the moment, it can all happen simultaneously while making plans to help out, have fun, rest, work hard, play. All of it. 

And speaking of plans, I was supposed to leave the hospital two days ago. I was going to have some nice days away before I might be feeling sick from the chemotherapy. It was all planned. Fun times were to be spent with Arpine, Jennifer, Tracy... Movie matinees, resting in the shade, yummy food. 

But as I was realizing I hardly had it in me to pack my stuff up, I knew something was going on. If you can't pack your shit to leave the hospital, you probably shouldn't leave the hospital. Then I started getting a little fever and a pain inside my cheek and then etc., etc... I needed to stay and get this all checked out. Which was a good thing I did. They are hell bent on keeping me well during this round of chemo so that NOTHING could preclude my moving onto transplant. And I totally get that and it's totally fine with me. 

So this little infection caused a bit of pain, so they put me on Morphine (Weird drug. It's the, "I'm in pain but I'm too zonked out to tell you about it--nite nite drug). And on top of it, my blood counts have been dropping (as they should) and I've been needing transfusions.  And as we know, these they pretreat with Benedryl.  It kind of goes like this, "Good morning! You're counts are low. Here's your Benedryl. Nite Nite!"  So that's where I've been. Sleeping. Nurses come in an say, "I came in to check on this, or give you that, but you were OUT COLD!"  And since then, they've upgraded me to Dilauded. This is less of a One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest knock out pain killer and I feel MUCH more communicative.  In fact, Arpine and I took some nice twirls around the halls this afternoon.

So, to cover this infection, I'm on, two anti-biotics, one anti-viral, one anti-fungal, one pain killer. They've CAT-Scanned and scoped every inch of my face and sinuses. All while wrapping me in warm blankets, telling me I'm a trooper and working around my rigourous FaceTime schedule. 

All this said, I still do plan on gettin' out for a few days if I can. All this time is precious time. In, out, wherever. 

And just a side note, if anyone is worrying about my kids, here's their schedule-- Tomorrow: Men's Weightlifting. Sunday to the beach in Swanage. Next week, camp and tennis camp. Next weekend, men's final 200 yd dash (Usain Bolt maybe!).  A trip to Edinburgh to the Fringe Festival.  Then something Equestrian (doubtfully Ann Romeny's dressage horse) in Greenich, England. Finally, the Closing Ceremonies, a trip to Guernsy and then a trip to New York to see MOMMY! Phew! That oughta pass the time. How's that for planning?