Time

I've kind of spent the last two weeks holeing up. Very stuck to the bed and sleeping. Last week I had 3 good days and three bad days. Mostly tired and tummy aches. I slept a lot. Luckily I had friends who came by and my step-mom who spent the day, to get me up and out. Walking about.  Other I think I could have slept all day and all night. Very attached to the bed.

I was also counting the minutes till the kids and Andy came. I just wanted time to go by, to go fast. And now that they're here I want time to stand still!!! They arrived and 9:00pm to Tracy's front door and nothing has ever felt so right.  To have them in my arms. to play with them. to put them to bed. They even let me cuddle with them at the same time! I LOVE that.

Grown. They have both grown. Ari is tall and Isaac has muscles! They're still very funny and silly and kind. I felt a huge relief in Ari when he saw me and hugged me for the first time. Like he wasn't sure it was really going to be true, or that mommy was going to really be the mommy he rememebered.  They both hated my new wig. Oh well. I got it on friday on a whim. All the grown ups I know like it. It's probably too brown for the kids. They know me mostly with long blond hair. but since this chemo fiasco, i think I've lost my hair probably 8 times! So in between I've had ALL hair. Short brown, short blond, really short, short and curly, longish and curly, and brown. So the wig is brown and layery and above my shoulders with a bit of fringe.  It's not horrible. It's not the real human hair one becuase they are extremely expensive and this is temporary. But it still wasn't cheap. Almost $600!! that's the cheap one!  and in time mine will grow back. In time.

I'd like to put this week into a time capsule.  A slow motion, enjoyable, ride through time and space that elongates my time with them so that there;s no chance to missing a moment. So that they're time to appreciate it all.

they're on terrible jet lag, It always seems to happen that they come here, it's already that it's five hours later for them, and they end up goofing around and staying late even for NY. They feel asleep at 11:00 tonight. That's 4:00am for them. That's crazy. We all said we would wake up at 9:00 tomorrow. Let's see how that goes. Time...