Better Energy?

I think my energy has been better. It's been so erratic I don't really want to say anything about it incrementally moving forward, but it seems like it is. I've done some good walking around and really have only needed one nap, not two. And Leslie gave me a massage today and I actually felt like maybe I had some muscles. It wasn't like I was a ragdoll where she could do whatever she wanted to me and I would hardly feel it. Today when she went into the muscles in my legs it hurt a bit! Yay for it hurting a bit? Yes, yay.

Last night I spent on my own. I went food shopping at the healthfood store and made myself dinner too.  The best part of it being sauteed kale with Annie's Goddess dressing. Yum. I'm sure if polled, the world majority would not come down on the side of "Yum" to that dinner... But I have to say I was proud to have made it. It felt so good to take care of myself.  Then I went straight to bed...

Dr. Giralt is taking me further down off the Prednisone. On Friday I'll be down to 25mg. That's a lot down from the 60mg I started at. I do have tremors in my hands. Pretty shakey. I could never eat sushi gracefully now. Luckily I can't have it anyway. I wonder when I can have sushi again? A year? Hmmm.  Also, I don't spontaneously bust and cry for no apparent reason anymore.  I just cry because I miss my kids or I'll get this weird feeling of trauma come over me and have to shed a few tears...

Although today I cried because I'm so tired of being bald. It's cold, and it's hard to find cute hats and wigs are so unbelieveably uncomfortable. It's an identity crisis. Men walk around bald. No biggy.  For women, it's just too much of a statement I feel like making right now.  At this point I don't remember my transplant, much less make a statement about it. It seems the further out I'm getting, the less I remember. I remember the round of chemo I did with Marty before the transplant chemo. But after that it's a blank. I remember friends visiting. I remember being stuck in the room because of Rhino Virus. I think I was in the hospital close to 6weeks. I don't even want to go back and count. And the more people mention what an incredibly hard run I had of it, the more I don't remember... It's a little freaky having blocked memory.  It's a good question for the doctor.  Will my brain come back like the rest of my body is expecting too?  Do I want to remember this? I guess I could go back and read my own blog... But i can't say I feel ready to do that...