Body Image

It's been on my mind lately. There's a big difference between taking care of yourself to take care of yourself, and taking care of yourself to lose weight, be skinny. I was culling Ari's room yesterday and when I told Edie I was purging she wanted to know if I was sick or just clearing out the house. It made me laugh. When I went back to the large pile of costumes to pick through, I thought a really funny halloween get up would be a skeleton outfit with a bikini over it and a blonde wig. Like every woman's goal should be to become a blonde x-ray.  I used to really love fashion magazines, but now they really bother me, just for that reason.

When I was growing up, my mother was a serious calorie counter. She was totally cute but NEVER liked her body, or her face or her hair, etc... She had a book where she wrote down every thing she ate every day and she would NOT go above 1000 calories. 1000!!! That's NOT a lot. I had no idea at the time how little that was but I understand now. And then on weekeneds she would binge. Mostly on ice cream. She's eat hers and then finish yours.  And who knows, maybe there was a little bit if purging going on there too.

It almost seems unnatural to just accept ourselves for who we are. But there's a balance somewhere between wanted to excel and thinking we have to annihalate ourselves to do it. I've always thought I was too this or too that. I look back on pictures of myself and think, "What was I thinking?! I was cute!"  So, in attempt to heal those years, my goals have changed.  I now aim to solely take care of myself, focused on healing, stretching and strength; without stress but with hope to get the most mileage out of this Model D.