Tomorrow is the Day

I don't know if it's stall tactics, but I've managed to delay my admission to Sloan Kettering till tomorrow. It sort of just worked out, between the pre-treatment tests I needed to do, and my wanting to be with the kids as much as possible while they're here. They go home tomorrow and I go in tomorrow. It will be long and excruciating counting the days until they come back.

Isaac and I stayed up late last night talking. I'm so proud of the person he is. He's heartfelt and supportive and is going to make some fabulous life partner very happy one day. 
Ari learned to swim yesterday with no floaties. Isaac and I had been working with him in the pool all day. And then Andy came home and went for a swim with him and BAM! Ari's swimming. Not sure how that happened? But he so proud of himself and we're so proud of him. It's the cutest thing in the world.

It was just a matter of confidence. Such an important life skill. But as I saw in Ari, sometimes you just can't be confident until you're ready. Otherwise, you're kind of being an idiot. Who wants to swim when you can't swim? It makes total sense.

So, speaking of confidence, Andy and I went to go see Marty and his team on Tuesday. My lungs are perfectly fine, so I breathed a huge sigh of relief. I was so worried all day, and then I saw Marty and I felt so much calmer. I think it's a matter of confidence. My confidence in him...

He told us I might be eligible for a clinical trial for a new drug that when mixed with a commonly used drug makes it into an entirely new drug that targets leukemic cells specifically and effectively. It's a randomized study, so if I get into it, it means that not only did I qualify for it, I also luckily got randomly selected for it by a computer. I'd love to be in this study. My fingers are crossed and my prayers are in place.  If not, then I do the original FLAG drugs, (Fludarabine, Idarubicin and Granulocyten and Cytarabine) that Marty suggested. But, I've done so much Idarubicin type chemo that to do any more might risk heart damage. So, that drug might be out.

I had an echocardiogram yesterday. It's like the sonograms you get when you're pregnant. I kept looking for a baby in there. But, no baby. Although the heart looks amazing and so alive on video. It's like this relentless cheerleader. Little valves clapping together in rhythm. Go Go GO! I was feeling very appreciative and grateful.

Speaking of grateful...When I was staying at Andrea's house, the people in the building across the way put the letters spelling GRATITUDE across their loft windows facing out. So when I woke up every morning I would see that word. And now that I'm staying in Rye at Tracy and Larry's, I take the New Haven trainline on Metro-North into the city when I need to go to the hospital. There's a big billboard sign, just at the top of Manhattan that reads GRATTITUDE (2 T's, I don't know why). And I haven't missed seeing it on any train ride into the city yet
. 
Maybe that extra T is for Tomorrow.