Stayin' Alive

It's kind of weird to be in Westchester County. I love staying with Tracy and Larry. It's very secluded and you could be anywhere lush in the world. Tonight Ari was skinny dipping in the pool. Free as a bird.

As soon as we venture out though, it's my childhood all over again. Last night we drove by my old temple and the house I grew up in. Really to show Ari, although I'm not sure he really cared. 

But today was hard. We went out for Tapenaki and driving home from White Plains, we passed the hospital where my mother died. I think it was called Westchester Hospital then. It's now an assisted care home. I always asked my mother why she wouldn't go to Sloan Kettering.  She didn't want to be far from my father or to make it hard for him to visit her. I totally get that. But I also totally don't. And I didn't then either. As I'm facing a really difficult situation for my family to visit me, it feels like the worst thing in the world, but the best thing for me to do. What if my mom had gone to Sloan Kettering? What if...

As of now, Marty wants to admit me on Tuesday. We'll have a meeting with him on Monday afternoon and discuss results from the lung biopsy. No news so far. It wasn't so bad. Arpine hung out with me and made the time go by, even though they were delayed big time.  And today I have a sore throat and I keep thinking, "Oh no! I have a sore throat! I can't do chemo next week!" But then I remember I'm supposed to have a sore throat. It's all bruised from the lung procedure. 

I'm so sad about the shootings in Colorado today. It's unthinkable. Too many guns in this country. My heart goes out to everyone involved. I hope prayers can help because I know so many people are praying. But the obvious more realistic fix would be some super strict gun law. I don't think you can pray your way into gun control. I know you can't pray peoples' children back into their lives.

Arpine said when she was driving across Westchester from Hastings-on-Hudson over to Rye to see us here, she was on the insane, turn-y, curvy, confusing connection between 287 and The Hutchinson River Parkway and "Stayin' Alive" came on the radio.  Weaving in and out of trucks, she's singing along and she realized that it was such an appropriate theme song for me. It is exactly what I am doing here. I'm staying alive. And it couldn't be more fitting as I reminisced about days long ago when Kaethe, Allison and I were in 6th grade, and we would do The Bump and make-up dances to the "Saturday Night Fever" soundtrack.  And the dance continues and continues.