What a longing I have for my family. I would have been terrible at some job that required me to travel a lot and it makes me feel bad for all the many people that do. I think of the ten years that Andy constantly traveled before we moved to London. It's was absolute torture.
I'm indebted to Roberto Garcia, the engineer who created FaceTime. My kids will just use it whenever. It's more natural to them than picking up the phone! They live and play so much through screens. They're so comfortable with them. Right now for them, it's all about the XBOX and the IPAD and if it means that they're in touch with me more, it's absolutely a great thing.
Isaac and I watched Chandler and Monica get married on "Friends" today. He sat on his bed in London and put the DVD in his laptop and then set his Ipad in front of it so I could see it and we and laughed at Chandler's cold feet. "Bing's just don't have good marriages!!"
Ari called later to tell me about his weird dream. He's complete jet-lagged still. Andy said Ari fell asleep last night completely wrapped around Andy's body. Holding tight. Sometimes you think you could never love your kids more, and then, viola, you do.
Tomorrow is my last day of chemo. Marty seemed keen on letting me go if all looks A-OK. Maybe Wednesday. The real effects of this round probably won't kick in until a week after it's completed. And maybe it won't be so bad? That's, of course, my hope. I told Marty I hope he's really hitting me hard. I can take it. He laughed and made a power fist. All I want is for these leukemic cells to back down. It's all any of us want. He thinks everything is going exactly as it should and again, he calms me down.
So much of life is perseverance. Watching the Olympics is of course a prime and inspiring example. Seeing the other folks on this floor at Sloan Kettering is a prime example. Their goals were not chosen but actually just slammed in their faces! "You must go through these treatments to get better and you have no time to practice beforehand!" You have no coaches, just cheerleaders. But you have to go for it.
Think about this crazy blog and my original intention to document a stem-cell transplant and the 100 days of recovery afterward. Who knew two donors would fall through and my remission as well? Getting back into remission and a healthy donor was the hurdle before the actual hurdle. Or the Pommel Horse before the Pommel Horse.
This is just like when Andy and I were building our family. Again, it took years of pure perseverance. We had five miscarriages before Isaac, and two before Ari. At no point did I consider stopping. We had no practice, no coaches, lots of cheerleaders and we finally reached our goals. The payoff has been bliss.
Just as in making kids, beating cancer involves a lot of luck. So many things have to go right. Little things, big things. Creating life, maintaining life, this is stuff that we expect to just happen. But it doesn't alway go so easily. We do our best to do our best. Love helps a bunch. I've never felt that more than now.
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