I came across this article (below) in the Guardian online. I think it's amazing. It from a book by a nurse who worked with and spoke with people she cared for in the last weeks of their lives. Seems they were all older folks for the most part, who'd lived long lives (phew). But I have to say that there is nothing much more poignant than when one is faced with mortality. A lot of people say they'd rather go quick. But there is something to having a stage in life where you have some time to think about death in a real way. And as I wrote in the title, I do not mean this to be morbid or sad. I feel extremely optimistic (albeit nervous) about my situation. But I've had plenty of time to consider less pleasant options.
Leukemia sounds bad, no matter how you slice it. It just does. It's taken me a while to realize that research and treatments have, truely truly, come a loooong way. Leukemia is horrifying but less horrifying than other cancers (does "horrifying" come in degrees? I guess so!) And additionally, there is something so poignant about stem cell transplants with donor cells because it involves the world. A gigantic community. An international registry of people who give a shit (wouldn't that be a funny way to market joining the registry? "Hey? Do you give a shit? Well, if you do... Join!").
So, I've had this opportunity to have this stage of considering life, in mid-life. And that part of it hasn't been bad. I see opportunities and I just take them. There's a lot more "yes's" rolling around in my mind than "no's". That's a good thing! And my sense of humor is way out in front. It always has been, but now it's out in front with pride. Also, my affection--out in front with pride. If I've got something nice to say, I say it. My love for art--out in front. My love for my family--out in front. My devotion to and my great dependence on my friends--out in front. My enthusiasm for nature and other beautiful stuff--out in front. Without self-consciousness. Screw that.
So, check out the article below. It's one of the quickest, most powerful reads I've ever had...
love always.
Top five regrets of the dying
Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Bonnie Ware, a nurse who works with the dying:
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
"This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it."
2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
"This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
"Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."
What's your greatest regret so far, and what will you set out to achieve or change before you die?
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