I Hit My Wall

I think this happens every time I'm in the hospital for treatment. I think it happened sooner this time. But I was in there for THREE weeks! The last two of which I was just sitting on my bum waiting for my counts to come back. And I hit my wall...

So this is how it usually goes:
I can't stop crying and there's nothing anyone can do except get me out of there.  They tried to persuade me.  One nurse got me a stack of computer paper and said, "Why don't you paint? Or draw pictures of all the nurses here and then publish a funny book about going through Leukemia treatment?"  She DID make me laugh. Because it was so ludicrous. And then she said, "We're so full here that if you go home and need to come back, there might not be a room for you"...  Also, not very persuasive. Like I could've given a shit if there was a bed or not for me.

Continuing to be inconsolable, the doctor finally came in and asked if I wanted to leave because the care wasn't good. OMG, the care there is so great! Again! Ridiculous! And then she asked if I was having strange thoughts. And that DID make me laugh. But I assured her that I wasn't. I JUST NEEDED TO BE WITH MY KIDS AND SLEEP IN MY BED WITH MY HUSBAND!!!  So I signed myself out. Against doctors' orders. And it felt great!!!! Great Great Great!!!
And this is the weird thing, but not so weird really:
The neutrophils (the infection fighters) blood count we were waiting and waiting for to bounce back we're 0.04 yesterday.  I'm not supposed to leave the hospital until they are 0.5.  They were just hovering between 0.03 and 0.06 for days and days and I was going crazy!! Despite that, I check myself out. Came home. Slept last night from 10pm until 1pm today (that's what happens when you don't sleep for three weeks) and then I go to my GP to get my blood tested this afternoon. Et Voila! My neutrophils were at .24!!!! That's a MAJOR jump!  And I KNOW it came from HAPPINESS!!
It's happened before this way.  Home is where my heart is.  Home for me is healing. pleasant, beautiful, loving. There's nothing else to ask for (or to hysterically cry about...). Cheers!