Xmas- the one year homecoming

Finally, some nice meaning attached to Christmas. I was obsessed with it this year. Amal and her family came for christmas eve dinner and I just really wanted it to be special. December 24th was one year to the day of arriving home from New York last year after the transplant. I remember shopping with Edie and NY and wrapping everything and buying two new suitcases and packing them to busting hoping I wouldn't get snagged by customs on the way in. And then I remember arriving home, the bald, Jewish, Lady-Santa Mama.  My family and Amal's family were here to greet me and we had a wonderful meal together. So now Christmas is so special to me.

This year, as we got together again. I felt like I wanted to give all of us some closure of sorts. We lit a beautiful glowy three-wick candle. Each wick for something different. I chose Bravery. We all had to be so brave in so many ways. I think you have to be so brave to support someone who is scarily ill. And if you're the one who is ill, that takes guts too. Treatments, decisions, maybe being away from home.  Sol, Amal's younger son, chose to light a candle for Cherishing the Moment.  I thought that was gorgeous. And what an amazing thing to learn by the age of 16. Brilliant.  We read favorite poems that we wrote or loved from books we had. Isaac read a poem he wrote called, Joy. It's about our dog Laila. It's really about absolute and altruistic love.  I think Laila was a big part of everyone getting through last year. Thank you Laila for coming to be our puppy.

I read two poems. YES by Muriel Rukeyser. Because I can not resist that poem. It's gotten me through a few tough spots in my life. Here's it is:

YES

It's like a tap-dance
or a new pink dress, 
a shit- naive feeling 
Saying Yes. 

Some say Good morning
Some say God bless-- 
Some say Possibly
Some say Yes. 


Some say Never 
Some say Unless
It's stupid and lovely 
To rush into Yes. 

What can it mean? 
It's just like life, 
One thing to you
One to your wife. 

Some go local 
Some go express 
Some can't wait 
To answer Yes. 

Some complain 
Of strain and stress 
The answer may be 
No for Yes. 

Some like failure 
Some like Success
Some like Yes Yes 
Yes Yes Yes. 

Open your eyes, 
Dream but dont guess.
Your biggest surprise Comes after Yes. 

Then I read:

Why I Wake Early by Mary Oliver

Hello, sun in my face.

Hello, you who made the morning

and spread it over the fields

and into the faces of the tulips

and the nodding morning glories,

and into the windows of, even, the

miserable and the crotchety –



best preacher that ever was,

dear star, that just happens

to be where you are in the universe

to keep us from ever-darkness,

to ease us with warm touching,

to hold us in the great hands of light –

good morning, good morning, good morning.



Watch, now, how I start the day

in happiness, in kindness.”

I don't really like waking early. But I do love this poem. 

Andy read a Wendell Berry poem:

THE PEACE OF WILD THINGS

When despair for the world grows in me 

and I wake in the night at the least sound

in fear of what my life and my childrens' lives may be,

I go and lie down where the wood drake

rests in his beauty on the water, and the green heron feeds.

I come into the peace of wild things

who do not tax their lives with forethought

of grief. I come into the presence of still water

and I feel above me the day-blind stars

waiting with their light.  For a time

I rest in the grace of the world and I am free.

I love this poem. Andy said he read it because of how much I love things that are not man-made.

I want to share what the others wrote, Isaac, Janna and Luann, but I must get permission from the authors first. Needless to say, I cried. I figure, if you have to go through something crappy, you might as well look back when it's over see if you learned anything. Why not get everything out of it you can. I think maybe it was nice for the kids, for everybody.  It felt nice for me to thank everybody one more time. 

Merry Christmas.

Love,

Dina